How’s Everything Going?

How is everything going? I think to myself.

Hmm. I’m not sure. I am aware of every action and thought I have. But I’m not aware of my emotions. Looking at images of my cousin, I’m not sure what I’m feeling: joyful, jealous, envious, joy, love, or connection.

I know I have power over my thoughts, but the thought of something bad happening persists. Am I deserving? Or is this just another passing thought? What do I cling to? Which people do I go to? What are your ambitions and dreams? It’s all in here, but I can’t seem to find it.

Maybe that’s what it is: me looking for something. I am aware that I am more daring, unusual, and lively. So why do I keep myself back? Why do I worry so much about what others think?

Is life going through me, or am I living it? So many questions to consider. But nothing to ponder about as I remove them and burn these quetions. Life is not perfect for me. Neither am I. But I still strive for excellence in every detail. It’s bad because I cling to things that, in the grand scheme of things, are unimportant.
What am I doing here? Am I here to serve others or to have an exciting existence?

People will gossip about me behind my back. And maybe I’m alright with it as well.
I’m still figuring things out. I’m maintaining my focus. I’m not going back to my old habits. Not at all distracting myself. My mind is currently bursting at the seams. And I’m not writing this for any of you. This is something I’m interested in. Something I’d want to write about.
Maybe this is living – to share and to…

It’s not a lesson or a story. No. Just some simple thoughts. I’m not sure how life is intended to work. And I don’t want to speculate. Until now, living in the present proved a zombified living. Ask my hair and face when I’m living in the past.
But I have lived in the present. And it has not let me down. And, sure, I am making my way back to those present times, where obstacles were fun, anxieties were confronted, and, in the end, I forgiven myself.

This is an unexpected conclusion. And what a lovely start. Let us live rather than forecast, analyze, or suppose.