THE FOURTH DAY AND A RE-DO:

THE PRICE I PAY EVERY TIME I INDULGE IN MY ADDICTIONS.

My fourth day and I was already on my addiction again. It does not matter why I did it (I didn’t control myself even after knowing the aftermath), but what matters is what happened after. I didn’t enjoy doing it, nor did I love the outcome. And the aftermath of this was not only overwhelming but it was breaking in every way. No reason whatsoever to do it but me tricking myself into doing it. The whole day went with me being lazy.

They say the talented people are the lazy ones, and I am understanding it. Talented people don’t know the worth of hard work, and I made excuses that I will achieve it no matter what. But never changed my input. And it is true that talented people are the laziest people, and I am lazy, too.

The next day, Monday, I was in a bad position. I had to pull myself up back to my previous week‘s work, energy and motivation.

Any addiction, my being porn, not only took my energy but it takes away the creativity, the surprise, and the life out of mine and your dreams and goals.

So, the question is, what should I do? But most importantly why did I do it?

To answer the latter question, I fucked it up. But that is only the tip of the iceberg, not digging in deep. The whole mountain is still there underneath to be uncovered. I fucked up because I took it for granted. Because I was lazy. Because I did not control myself.

Sure I was lazy, but that is not a reason. I can work on being more discipline and I will and I must.

Don’t indulge in your addictions just because you feel like it, or because you feel sad. The price for doing it is much higher: Losing motivation, discipline, faith, dreams and most importantly yourself.

So, what should I do?

To get back on my track, the only thing important for me to do is not indulge in it. To understand and learn where I belong and stick to that picture. And build a circle of people I want to be like in my mind.

To constantly remind me to become a Ghost, who is working on self-improvement, sacrifice and risk.

I hope you learn something and take away precious thoughts.