When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.
Ernest Hemingway
Every person longs for being loved and cared for by someone. Men, women and children. Everyone. It’s a basic human instinct, to be loved and understood. When a person does not acquainted with love, they turn to habits that make them feel valued in a group.
A teenage boy who smokes has a group of friends who admire his skills for smoking. A man who drinks is surrounded by people who will listen to him. A woman who speaks loudly is never understood by someone. People have forgotten to show love and to speak with their loved ones.
And this is the same reason that I turned towards unhealthy habits – not taking care(it does not matter what I do. I am a mess.), watching porn (at least the pressure will go away.) and not meeting with new people (why is my hair this way, why are pants so saggy. why am I always analyzing me.)
On the upper surface this conveys: he is just a brat, his standards are low. When the outside world has been done with killing that person spiritually, he/she comes to the next level: maybe I have no self-control, maybe I am not strong enough or maybe, just maybe, it does not matter if I live.
But on the deeper level all they are saying is: please, at least understand me, know me. I am better.
Every message that we have seen above tells us that we must become better people in understanding and asking other people. And there are several reasons why people turn to other habits:
- Parent’s unconsciously conveying the message that for being loved you must be good with others, you must respect me and you should do as I say.
- People being judged by people for being different or for being themselves.
What we don’t understand is, we are the ones to set these low standards that kill the human spirit slowly and gradually. And to change this is a huge and a timely process.
So, let’s begin with YOU and ME. To change the world, we must first change ourselves. To love is to share and to share is to talk. Listening to and being heard are those supernovas that will build your relationship even stronger. Don’t make any assumptions. If you don’t know about something ask the person. There’s no harm in it.
Talk. Talking is the second best things to do. Convey your message thoroughly. Everyone is different and so are there heart. Let them understand completely.
This is how I did it:
- First confront the person by telling them that the relationship between you and them is not been good. And you want to make it better because they matter to you.
- Then, tell them to share anything they want with you. Whatever they want to. Let them talk.
- And most importantly, listen without judging or giving any suggestions.
Want to talk, let us know below.
Life Design 